Bleeding
“I totally realize that I am not your only lover. Still, I wanna be with
you the rest of my life” he said nervously. His body seemed to tremble
extremely fast. So did mine, the lollipop I was holding fell down on to my lovely shoe.
“Oh shit, it is the biggest earthquake I’ve ever felt,” I whispered.
“ What a silly joke!” I laughed very loudly, melting the frozen world around us.
“ I am serious, Mei. I don’t even care about your past. Let me become the reality of your every
dream. Please be the one I build my home with”.
I found my cheeks
turned to red, and my heart seemed to stop in a sudden. There was a rainbow in
my very eyes.
***
His
name is Anas, a glassy-eyed young man whom I met at the cemetery a
couple years ago. I don’t exactly remember how we met, but that was our first
meeting. Since then, I sometimes see him passing my house as he becomes a
teacher in a primary school in my village.
“I
will buy a small house with a garden surrounding it. After we move
there, we can do either gardening or camping at weekends,” his words become the spirit waking me up every morning.
They’re like drops of dew in the morning. When the sun is getting high,
they evaporate, turn to a clear smoke
hanging on the sky. Can you imagine how beautiful it is?
Yeah,
he is not only a good looking person but also a smart man. Being the best
graduate of English with a perfect GPA makes him very attractive. There are girls in my village love him. They often send such gifts as a kind of cake. But, how lucky I am since he loves me, just loves me. He is
like a patch on my wound, cover my every decay.
I
don’t even know anything about love. In fact, it has given me something
amazing. I suppose that some aspects of my life have changed since its
presence. There’s no doubt about him. I believe him with all my heart, and he
does the same.
One
day, on a drizzling night, someone knocked on my door. I slowly opened it.
There was a half-aged man standing in front of me. He politely bowed and
shook my hand. I kissed his right hand.
“
Where’s your father, Nduk? He asked
through his dark lips. I suddenly realized that I had known him well. He is Anas’s uncle, then I wondered what he was
going to do here. Without waiting any longer, I let him coming into my house and got in rush
to find my father.
Soon afterward,
there was a knock on my door. A tall man in grey appeared through the wooden
door after my father asked him to come. My heart stopped beating. I didn’t find it easy to believe that he was
Anas, a man whom I love very much.
“
I intend to propose your daughter” said uncle
I bowed in silence,
looking at the square-shaped borders of the floor. They were like a game which
I used to play with my friends. I liked it so much that I could spend my
weekends playing that game.
“
Though I want my daughter to marry a good man, I give the authority to her for
choosing her future husband by herself.
It depends on her own decision” my father replied, smiled calmly. It reflects
his sincerity that I love very much. An
individual tear slowly coursed down my cheek. I was the happiest person in the
world.
Eight
monts passed so quickly since his arrival that night. My biggest dream, wearing
a beautiful white wedding dress, would come true today. Pingitan, the Javanese tradition before marriage, had been held for a
week. I was not permitted to go anywhere by myself. Our people believe that
there would be many things that can be problem to the marriage. Therefore, I
stayed in my little room all day. I used to text him. Unfortunately, I found my longing was getting worse.
The
guests with various gifts in their hands entered my living room one by one. I saw some of them wearing white veil as most of my neighbors were moslem. Marriage is one of holy thing
for us, so it is important to us to prepare everything well before getting
married.
My
father and I were sitting behind the small table,
waiting for Anas and his family. Then, two men with white suit
entered the room.
“Assalamualaikum”
“Waalaikumsalam,” my father reply politely.
“ What a beautiful bride you are, nduk.”
I smile in silence.
Waiting
for about 2 hours, a bus entered my yard slowly. The smell of its
muffler spread through the air. I started to feel queasy as
soon as it reached my nose. I felt a sharp pain in my
stomach then run into my head. I saw a group of ten people bringing some souvenirs entering the room. A
well-dressed man sat down by my side, yeah he was Anas, my future husband.
“Could we start now, everyone?” said a man who were sitting in fron of
me.
Some people bow,
reflecting the readiness.
“Bismillahirrohmanirrohim, Nasrullah the
son of Sudjaja, I marry and I wed off my real daughter Mei Khinanti to you with
the dowry five million rupiahs in cash,” my father said clearly. My face was paling like I had no
blood flowing in my face.
“
I accept her marriage and wedding of Mei Kinanthi the daughter of Purnomo
with....”
Anas stopped his words in a sudden after looking at my face. The
adornments on my face seem to be fading. He wiped the drops of sweat
from my forehead
“Is everything oke?” he said
“
I can’t marry you”
I shout
unconsciously. “I can’t imagine how we will end, It is just so frightening for
me”
My bottom lip
trembled and tears welled down from my eyes. I didn’t know what I exactly wanted. Anas was the most perfect man for me. So, what I was thinking about?
Human’s
life, however, is so dynamic. It starts from the lifeless zygote, then grows
into a perfectly-shaped creature. As the time passes by, it turns into
invaluable object eaten by worms and maggots. Meaninglessly, decomposes into
the soil. Forgotten.
Just
the same as it, love can no longer be
defined as beautiful as its meaning. It changes day after day. At the end, love
will be broken, burnt, and ended. I suppose that’s why I get such a scare. I
cannot imagine that one day Anas will metamorphose, run, and forget everything.
All of the guests starred at me silently, they might be confused or thought that I was
crazy. But Anas seemed to be more accepting. There was a sincere smile on his
face. The man whose love had blossomed in my deepest heart.
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