“I totally realize that I am not your only lover. Still, I wanna be with you the rest of my life” he said nervously. His body seemed to tremble extremely fast. So did mine, the lollipop I was holding fell down on to my lovely shoe.
“Oh shit, it is the biggest earthquake I’ve ever felt,” I whispered.
“ What a silly joke!” I laughed very loudly, melting the frozen world around us.
“ I am serious, Mei. I don’t even care about your past. Let me become the reality of your every dream. Please be the one I build my home with”.
I found my cheeks turned to red, and my heart seemed to stop in a sudden. There was a rainbow in my very eyes.
His name is Anas, a glassy-eyed young man whom I met at the cemetery a couple years ago. I don’t exactly remember how we met, but that was our first meeting. Since then, I sometimes see him passing my house as he becomes a teacher in a primary school in my village.
“I will buy a small house with a garden surrounding it. After we move there, we can do either gardening or camping at weekends,” his words become the spirit waking me up every morning. They’re like drops of dew in the morning. When the sun is getting high, they evaporate, turn to a clear smoke hanging on the sky. Can you imagine how beautiful it is?
Yeah, he is not only a good looking person but also a smart man. Being the best graduate of English with a perfect GPA makes him very attractive. There are girls in my village love him. They often send such gifts as a kind of cake. But, how lucky I am since he loves me, just loves me. He is like a patch on my wound, cover my every decay.
I don’t even know anything about love. In fact, it has given me something amazing. I suppose that some aspects of my life have changed since its presence. There’s no doubt about him. I believe him with all my heart, and he does the same.
One day, on a drizzling night, someone knocked on my door. I slowly opened it. There was a half-aged man standing in front of me. He politely bowed and shook my hand. I kissed his right hand.
“ Where’s your father, Nduk? He asked through his dark lips. I suddenly realized that I had known him well. He is Anas’s uncle, then I wondered what he was going to do here. Without waiting any longer, I let him coming into my house and got in rush to find my father.
Soon afterward, there was a knock on my door. A tall man in grey appeared through the wooden door after my father asked him to come. My heart stopped beating. I didn’t find it easy to believe that he was Anas, a man whom I love very much.
“ I intend to propose your daughter” said uncle
I bowed in silence, looking at the square-shaped borders of the floor. They were like a game which I used to play with my friends. I liked it so much that I could spend my weekends playing that game.
“ Though I want my daughter to marry a good man, I give the authority to her for choosing her future husband by herself. It depends on her own decision” my father replied, smiled calmly. It reflects his sincerity that I love very much. An individual tear slowly coursed down my cheek. I was the happiest person in the world.
Eight monts passed so quickly since his arrival that night. My biggest dream, wearing a beautiful white wedding dress, would come true today. Pingitan, the Javanese tradition before marriage, had been held for a week. I was not permitted to go anywhere by myself. Our people believe that there would be many things that can be problem to the marriage. Therefore, I stayed in my little room all day. I used to text him. Unfortunately, I found my longing was getting worse.
The guests with various gifts in their hands entered my living room one by one. I saw some of them wearing white veil as most of my neighbors were moslem. Marriage is one of holy thing for us, so it is important to us to prepare everything well before getting married.
My father and I were sitting behind the small table, waiting for Anas and his family. Then, two men with white suit entered the room.
“Waalaikumsalam,” my father reply politely.
“ What a beautiful bride you are, nduk.” I smile in silence.
Waiting for about 2 hours, a bus entered my yard slowly. The smell of its muffler spread through the air. I started to feel queasy as soon as it reached my nose. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach then run into my head. I saw a group of ten people bringing some souvenirs entering the room. A well-dressed man sat down by my side, yeah he was Anas, my future husband.
“Could we start now, everyone?” said a man who were sitting in fron of me.
Some people bow, reflecting the readiness.
“Bismillahirrohmanirrohim, Nasrullah the son of Sudjaja, I marry and I wed off my real daughter Mei Khinanti to you with the dowry five million rupiahs in cash,” my father said clearly. My face was paling like I had no blood flowing in my face.
“ I accept her marriage and wedding of Mei Kinanthi the daughter of Purnomo with....”
Anas stopped his words in a sudden after looking at my face. The adornments on my face seem to be fading. He wiped the drops of sweat from my forehead
“Is everything oke?” he said
“ I can’t marry you”
I shout unconsciously. “I can’t imagine how we will end, It is just so frightening for me”
My bottom lip trembled and tears welled down from my eyes. I didn’t know what I exactly wanted. Anas was the most perfect man for me. So, what I was thinking about?
Human’s life, however, is so dynamic. It starts from the lifeless zygote, then grows into a perfectly-shaped creature. As the time passes by, it turns into invaluable object eaten by worms and maggots. Meaninglessly, decomposes into the soil. Forgotten.
Just the same as it, love can no longer be defined as beautiful as its meaning. It changes day after day. At the end, love will be broken, burnt, and ended. I suppose that’s why I get such a scare. I cannot imagine that one day Anas will metamorphose, run, and forget everything.
All of the guests starred at me silently, they might be confused or thought that I was crazy. But Anas seemed to be more accepting. There was a sincere smile on his face. The man whose love had blossomed in my deepest heart.